


I Love Human Stupidity

by Fandom_Trash_13



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: 5+1 Things, I made Daniela a little bitchy but its funny, Multi, reader gender is not specified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29277792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Trash_13/pseuds/Fandom_Trash_13
Summary: Danger follows the reader wherever they go and Alcina gets the joy of witnessing them have the most disaster filled week.
Relationships: Lady Dimitrescu (Resident Evil)/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 158





	I Love Human Stupidity

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts from 4 anons on tumblr, they are in the end note.

1 .  
For once atop the mountain the weather is beautiful. You and Alcina head into the woods out back for a while. But after lunch you got restless and decided some tree climbing was a good idea. 

Alcina sits on the blanket she brought out and watches with pride as you scale one of the tallest trees with ease. You have your camera around your neck, taking pictures of every strange bug or leaf on your way up. 

You hear Alcina laugh down below when you let out a victory yell as you reach the top of the tree. 

You take a few more pictures, the surrounding woods is a stunning sight from so high up. There's also a few crows nearby that you manage to get some good pictures of. 

A dark cloud has started appearing on the horizon, and it looks like it's heading straight for Castle Dimitrescu. You start making your way down, not exactly in the mood to get caught in any heavy rainfall.

You make your way down the tree mostly with ease. Although your jeans get caught on a branch and wind up with a hole in the left leg, thankfully you are left uninjured.

When you make it nearer the bottom you hang yourself upside down from a branch, peaking your head through the leaves to say hi to Alcina.

"My dear Y/N, whatever are you doing?" She laughs.

You don't reply, you just go to pull yourself back up. But Alcinas' laughter distracts you, making you accidentally grab a weak branch. It snaps off in your hand, causing you to fall the last couple meters out the tree.

You land with a solid thud and Alcina is immediately by your side asking if you're okay. But you can't reply, you landed straight on your back and it knocked the air out of you.

A few painful moments later once you've got your breath back, you look to the branch still in your hand.

"Fuck" is all you say before laughing, 

"Please do not scare me like that." Alcina says, relieved to see you're okay.

2 .  
Later in the day you and Alcina are sitting on your shared bed. She is reading and you're attempting to fix the hole in your jeans and a spot where the stitching attacking the sleeve to your shirt came undone as you fell. You were taught from a young age how to sew, but you've never been good at making it look as if there was never a hole at all.

You've already stabbed yourself a few times and Alcina always reminds you to be careful after you mumble swears under your breath. But unfortunately your needle is a little blunt and getting it through your jeans is a much larger task than your shirt. 

You push a little too hard and accidentally stab the needle into the side of your thumb, your much louder swear this time catching Alcinas attention. 

She puts her book down and retrieves a plaster from the bathroom while you're trying to inspect how deep the needle went. 

"That's twice in one day you've hurt yourself." She says as she gently takes your hand and covers the hole.

"Not really my day is it?" You laugh.

"Please at least try to be careful." 

"Believe it or not, I do try." 

Alcina just stares, waiting for an explanation. But the truth is you don't have one, danger just follows you. 

3 .  
It's a quiet afternoon in the castle. You're looking around the library, looking for some inspiration to paint. You notice what appears to be a few old sketches of the castle sticking out from books on a top shelf. But there's one problem. They're almost five feet above you.

You look around for a ladder but the only one there looks ancient and ready to break if a rat tried to climb it. So, what do you do instead of asking for help like a normal person? Climb the shelves.

As you begin climbing, Daniela appears next to you nearly scaring you half to death.

"What's all this?" She asks with near to no emotion. 

"Trying to reach those sketches up there." You manage to take your hand off the shelf just long enough to point.

"Now this I want to see." She says making herself comfortable on a nearby arm chair.

You decide to just ignore her and continue your climb. 

You make reasonably quick progress, making it nearly two feet away from your goal, but the higher you go the less of a grip you can get as the books cover more of the shelves.

Pausing for a moment you try and figure out if there's an easier way to do things, but the movement as you look around causes you to lose your grip. You desperately try to grab at anything before you fall but all you succeed in doing is dragging a few books down with you.

As you're laying on the floor you can hear Daniela laughing, almost fully cackling, nearby. And barely a few seconds later you can hear Alcina's footsteps down the hall.

"What's going on here?" Alcina asks, kneeling beside you to make sure you're okay.

"I love human stupidity." Daniela says through laughter.

"Out. Now." Alcina yells, loud enough you're sure any mice in the walls just ran away.

Daniela follows her mothers order and leaves, still laughing the whole time. 

"Are you okay, my love?" Alcina asks once she thinks Daniela is out of earshot, but a loud fake gag comes from the hallway.

"Leave!" Alcina yells in her final warning tone. "What on earth were you trying to do?" She asks, her attention back to you.

"Those damn sketches on the top shelf are being stubborn." You sigh.

Alcina rolls her eyes fondly before helping you up. As you're dusting yourself off, Alcina hands you the sketches.

"Next time please ask for help." She says softly.

You pause for a moment and then simply reply with "Maybe." 

4 .  
And much to Alcina's frustration, you did not ask for help the next time something was on a high shelf.

You're attempting to make yourself a late night snack, really craving pancakes for some reason you can't figure out. Daniela and the others are out hunting and as far as you're aware Alcina is in your room halfway across the other side of the castle.

You've got everything prepared. Except for the flour and sugar. Which are both on the top shelf. 

This time you're smart enough to use a chair to stand on. And all seems to start well, you get the sugar down with ease. But as you stretch on your toes to get the flour you lose your balance.

You fall to the ground, accidentally kicking the chair over as you fall. And you land with your stomach upwards covered in flour. 

You sigh in defeat, creating a flour cloud above you, and as you're wondering how you're going to explain this to Alcina the kitchen door opens.

"Y/N, I was just coming to check on you when I heard the crash. Are you okay?"

"No." You say weakly.

Alcina is immediately beside you again, checking for injuries. When You sigh again and say "I don't think there's enough flour left for pancakes." as sadly as you can manage.

Alcina looks down at you and all she can say is "What am I going to do with you?" while smiling.

5 .  
You've known since you arrived at the castle that there's multiple hidden passages in the walls. From the small amount of knowledge you have of the castle's structure you've figured out the passages would be only just big enough for an ordinary sized human which is why Alcina never uses them but Daniela can be found using them to sneak around to avoid trouble.

Alcina never wanted you to explore them, she doesn't know what kind of bugs or rats are hidden in them and considering how often danger follows you she doesn't want you to get hurt. 

But eventually after a lot of asking, she handed you a torch and led you to the hidden entrance that leads to all the other passages. She leaves to read a book and allows you to explore at your own pace, and as she's walking away she warns you to be careful.

For the most part you do well guessing which room each passage ends in, and so far the hidden doors have been fairly easy to open except for a few which you've had to squeeze your way out of.

You reach the end of the final passage which you think has led you to the library, where Alcina currently is. 

You start to push the door open and quickly realize it's going to be one of the stubborn ones. You manage to squeeze half your body out, but then the worst happens. You get stuck. 

You take a moment to try and push the door, but even with your full weight it barely budged so now it's not even slightly moving. 

Alcina hears you attempting to kick the door and comes to check on you, and immediately starts laughing when she sees the position you're in.

"This is not your week is it?" She teases.

"It really isn't." You say as you toss your torch onto a nearby chair and continue trying to wiggle yourself free.

Alcina watches you for a moment to see if you can free yourself without help, but after a moment you sigh in defeat and ask her for help.

She manages to pull the door open without hurting you too much and you instantly flop down into the chair your torch is on.

Alcina sits beside you, gently taking your hand in her own as she asks if you're alright.

"I think I might've got a few splinters in my legs and stomach from that damn door, but otherwise I'm alright."

Alcina leads you back to your room to help you remove the splinters, but not without giving you a safety lecture on the way. 

+1  
Daniela tracked some mud in with her late during the night probably from hunting, but has been nowhere to be found all day to clean up the mess she's made. Alcina had to go into town so you decided to clean up the mess to kill some time.

You started by the front door and have made your way upstairs to the balcony that overlooks the main entrance. But you don't hear Alcina come in over the sound of your headphones.

But what you dohear during the quiet second between songs is a loud thud from down below.

You look over the balcony and see Alcina sitting stunned on the floor, with a freshly mopped and still wet spot by her feet.

"Careful, it's slippery." You tease, Alcina gives you a playful glare and you hold your hands up in defense. "I'm just glad that wasn't me." You laugh, finally happy to be the one danger doesn't hit.

"Did you really do all this without falling once?" Alcina asks as you make your way down the stairs to greet her.

"Yes, I di-" your proud sentence gets cut short as you slip and fall down the last four stairs.

You're stunned for a second but soon the only thing that can be heard is you and Alcina laughing at each other's clumsiness.

**Author's Note:**

> 1 - Lady Dimitrescu with a reader who does a lot crafty things like sewing or something with sharp objects but are also accident prone and pricks themselves or something.  
> 2 - the reader somehow imjures themselves and Alcina scolds them for not being careful but it's bc shes really worried so she takes care of them and comforts them in the end  
> 3 - I'm just imagining Lady Dimitrescu with a very clumsy reader / s/o would be like. Just umagine maybe it's a chill afternoon and it's quiet in the castle. Alcina might be reading something in that main area, down the stairs, and suddenly there is a crash from one of the rooms. She rushes over in concern, opens the door and sees us just lying on the floor. She jst hears a small "I'm okay!" and she goes over to us to gently help us up. maybe going "What on earth were you trying to do, my love?"   
> "Trying to reach the top shelf for >Insert supply here<"  
> +1 - Imagine Alcina slipping and falling, like, the noise that's bound to make, and you'd know it was her cause you'd just hear a loud ass thud LMAO


End file.
